surprise TINDER: what we are looking for in dating apps

In dating apps, we rarely find what we want. But with their help, everyone gets exactly what they are actually looking for

Most of my friends have looked at dating apps at least once. Many do this regularly. There are sequels: users download the program, are disappointed, delete, and after a while install again. People complain that it’s impossible to meet someone interesting on the Internet, but is it really so?

Two students using a smart phone while studying

Tactics and strategies

The dating app seems to have three main categories of users. Those who are looking for a one-night connection are the most understandable: people know what they want, find it in a suitable place and do not deceive anyone. The second are those who seek communication and, if possible, relationships. This category is more complicated. Here, people have a place for fantasy and deception – themselves or others. For example, I know a situation where a girl said she didn’t want anything serious, although she secretly expected that she would gain time before parting, during which her new acquaintance would have time to fall in love. I also met a young man who set hearts for everyone, and after reciprocity, he sent the girls a link to his photographer’s portfolio and suggested “take good pictures, otherwise you look fat on your own.” The third category is broken-hearted users. These are those who recently broke up with a partner or are simply offended, therefore, almost spitefully, they take out an online dating folder from their pocket and begin to leaf through it, generously setting hearts. Theoretically, the goal is clear: start dating and forget everything that was before. It seems to me not the best way. It turns out that someone, investing time and feelings in one person for many years in a row, suddenly takes his contribution and decides to put it into one hundred small piggy banks. Could this work? If a new acquaintance on the Internet helps to forget old grievances, then the only thing the application can help is to take hands with likes, so as not to write too much to someone you really think about. Still, can dating apps be considered useful development? Probably, yes, to be honest, answer your question why you came here.

Get no satisfaction

The Rolling Stones in the old hit sing: You can’t always get what you want … You get what you need. The song mentioned a woman who was spinning at the reception with a glass of wine, and probably today she was destined to have an affair. Mick Jagger knows a lot about people. Indeed, in the end, each of us finds something that attracts – consciously or not. It seems to me that everything in our life – aspirations, skills, dreams, fears, past experiences – turns us into a kind of magnet for the part that the design requires. Sometimes it is happiness, and sometimes it is another failure. We say that we are looking for love, but in fact we are waiting for the end of the story to say to ourselves: “All fools, and I’m right! I’ll be alone, because it’s so calmer. ” People who believe that relationships bring suffering, find them: after hundreds of photos and a dozen optional dialogs, they will choose the one who confirms their theory. Anyone who is afraid of loneliness, but does not know how to be in a relationship, meets a man with a suitcase of doubts – that is, his reflection. Anyone who is ripe for a family finds a partner for dates with whom the family can really form. This also happens: just the other day I received a wedding invitation from people who met in the tinder. Personally, I found only three things in the online application: new stories, an occasion to think about what drives people in their choice, and an occasion to laugh at the situation – because I love irony. This is my favorite way to deal with despair.

There are so many possibilities around that, sorting through them, we simply cannot stop.

Riddle of the sphinx

With the help of the application, an interesting picture emerges in the small screen of the phone, as if the world is filled with people who are not stupid, successful and lonely. The Internet is literally crammed with loneliness, many choose each other, but do not stop at this choice. In this sense, the Network is not an exceptional place, but simply an exaggerated illustration of what is happening with the inhabitants of big cities in our time. There are so many possibilities around that, sorting through them, we simply cannot stop. We leaf through each other in the hope that the next partner will be worthy of more like. It seems to me that the best way to understand any life situation is to understand its root causes. And if something in your life designer attracts the wrong stories, it’s worth understanding how to reconfigure this radar. I don’t like giving advice, but I can listen to people and music. Let my only, perhaps, advice be born from this. Every time you ask yourself why you again have to experience a not-so-successful novel, turn on Mick Jagger. We get what we need. And the best way to find good stories is to deal with yourself.

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