A distance of several thousand kilometers can kill even the strongest romantic relationships, let alone friendship. But even if your best friend suddenly found himself on the other side of the globe, it is not necessary to delete him from your life.
“The longer you are friends, the more your friend resembles a box with valuable memories of you,” says psychologist Irene Levine, author of “How to Survive a Parting with a Best Friend.” “He remembers what kind of person you were before, knows why you became he understands you exactly what they have become, and requires no explanation. ”In his book, the psychologist makes recommendations to friends who are in difficult situations. We found people who took advantage of them. So what to do if your best friend has become live on another continent?
1.Devote time to your friendship
Reply to a message, call on Skype, send an e-mail – these are all trifles, but they allow you to keep abreast of events from each other’s life. “It’s not necessary to call up every night,” explains Irene Levine. – But you can agree that, say, every Friday you will tell each other how your week went. It’s important not to miss online meetings: after a while they will become a habit and strengthen your friendship. Do not miss such important events as birthdays, and also support your friend in difficult times. ”
“We have been friends with Katya for 20 years, we met at school. Then we entered one institute, rented an apartment together, and even got a job in neighboring business centers, ”says Maria, 30 years old. – Katya introduced me to my future husband, and then she got married. For the German … They immediately left for Germany. At first it was very difficult for me – I got used to the fact that I could call her and drop in for a visit. We tried to call up, but every month we did it less and less. Then she offered to “book” Wednesday evening for our online meeting on Skype. Six months have passed, and we have not missed a single day – every Wednesday after work, we call up and chat, doing dinner preparation or other things at that time. ”
2. Be original
Social networks, of course, are a great tool, but do not forget about other ways to maintain relationships at a distance. Send a friend a letter written by hand, and put a joint photo from childhood in an envelope – this will make your friend feel special. “And always discuss exactly how you want to communicate,” advises Irene Levine. “Some of you may hate Facebook, and some may receive letters while you work.”
“For the past five years, I have only seen invoices and brochures in my inbox. But since my best friend moved to America, I have received dozens of postcards, ”says Olga, 35 years old. “She sends them from every city she comes to.” In turn, I now send postcards from each trip not only to her, but also to all relatives. Still, there is something magical about receiving such a message. ”
3. Create new memories
“When it comes to maintaining friendly relations at a distance, old memories cannot be dispensed with,” warns the psychologist. “Friends need to learn to create new shared memories, even if they see each other once a year.” Try to meet in the same restaurant when you visit each other, or get out for a joint holiday in a “neutral” territory.
“I have been working in Dubai for the fifth year. We met Maxim at the institute, now we are friends of families, ”says Ruslan, 37 years old. – Because of work, we do not see each other at all, but once a year we go out on a two-week trip with family and friends. Last year, we traveled to Portugal, in this we want to travel around Norway by car. Every time I forget that I have not seen him for a year, as if they parted only yesterday. ”
4. Show that you care
Show attention to details – ask a friend about children, new acquaintances, plans for a week, do not hesitate to ask what friends had for dinner! From these small pieces, a big picture of life is formed.
“We used to be a big company of inseparable friends, but over time, one of us moved to France, another to Italy, and the other two flew to England,” says Anastasia, 25 years old. – We created a Vkontakte chat for ten of us, at first just to make an appointment. But now the chat has been over a year old, and thanks to him, it seems to me that we seemed to have not gone anywhere. I can drop a photo from the dressing room there and ask for advice, someone shares a photo of their lunch, but our favorite pastime is to compare the weather and the view from the window in the morning. It seems small things, but it is thanks to them that we feel that we are still together. ”
5. Be honest
“Be able to soberly assess the situation, learn to forgive and … say goodbye! – warns Irene Levine. “Honestly, if there was understatement and tension in your relationship, understand the reasons and, if necessary, end the relationship: help each other do it.”
“Ending a friendship is not the same as ending a romantic relationship. At some point, communication simply fades away, and interest in a person fades away, ”said Andrei, 32 years old. “It is very important here not to let things go by their own accord, but to talk with a friend and part on a positive note.”