I understand stress as an adaptive function of a person, activated under sharply changing conditions, for which the body / psyche for some reason was not prepared in advance. Many factors of our life can become stressful, ranging from weather changes to the loss of loved ones, but I want to pay special attention to such a thing as falling in love, because I think that this is one of the most difficult experiences for the psyche, due to its unbridledness, surprise and often inexplicable. By falling in love personally, I mean a state in which one person begins to feel an irresistible attraction to all types of manifestations of another person’s life – to his emotions, thoughts, physiology, behavior and even smell. Many theories attribute this phenomenon exclusively to biochemical processes, or evolutionary mechanisms of procreation, or the desire to find reflection of their parent and lose the incomplete, or social benefits and many more different or. But I see falling in love with something more than a set of factors dictated by logic, because very often we fall in love “contrary to” and not “thanks”, which contradicts concepts based on putting the ego in the foreground of the hit parade. Falling in love can arise for a person who has long passed away, for example, I felt something similar to F.M. Dostoevsky, walking around his house in Moscow, where he spent his childhood. It was a very strong, deep experience of participation in the life of a person whose worldview delighted me at a certain period. I looked at his things and felt that I was in love as much as you can feel at all. How can this be explained from any rational position? It would be interesting to listen to evolutionist skeptics. So, the state of falling in love is the maximum stress – a factor, because, firstly, it often contradicts common sense, convenience and logic; secondly, it can arise to an object not represented in real reality; thirdly, it is not controlled by will and reason, activating in a person those creative and emotional resources that he never knew about (an analogy with people who have unusual physical forces for them in case of a life threat); fourthly, and this is probably the main thing – it is not always possible to adapt to this state, sometimes it takes many years (an example is the story of Vladimir Vysotsky and Marina Vlady); fifthly, it is able to overshadow the basic instinct built into a person – saving life (the number of novels that ended in suicide is scary). One of the best works of world literature, reflecting this terrible phenomenon – “Manon Lesko”, the author – Abbot Prevost. If you want to feel all the horrors and joys of this phenomenon – read it, casting aside all skepticism. And what happens? History does not stop developing a person, opening up new horizons for him in the world of technology, innovation, comfort, but he avoids the sphere of love life, leaving us alone with his demons, who are at any moment ready to break out, turning the whole course of life and, more importantly, way of thinking.
Falling in love is a life-long stress that comes when he wants to and throws us into the jungle of his being without demand and expectation of approval. Maybe this is the part of a person that allows him to feel happy, alive and connected with everything that is around? If you think this is romantic nonsense, look at the life of psychopaths. Psychopaths in the clinical sense – that is, people deprived of the ability to feel, empathize and, of course, fall in love. With complete external well-being, this is the group of people most prone to deviant behavior, that is, to all kinds of violence, drug and alcohol addictions, loss of meaning and value of life, and subsequently self-hatred. This is an occasion to ponder those who consider their amorousness and sensitivity – a curse. Why all this? Falling in love is the biggest stress falling on all human systems, but also the greatest gift, because not everyone is able to feel this experience and all the shades of happiness that it gives. What to do in practice if falling in love is considered stress? At the present moment of my life, I adhere to the point of view that the best strategy is complete openness with myself and my changes, casting aside fear and the feeling that everything is going to hell – because this seriously hinders the process of adaptation to changes. A person accomplishes a feat when he walks with his eyes wide open on what he sees as a threat to his psyche, nervous system and life in general. Honesty with oneself, as well as trust in one’s inner voice, is an airbag in all circumstances. If you start a war with yourself, hide in the trenches of rationality and mobilize all the defensive troops for every small step – well, the road to a psychotherapist is ordered in the near future, at best (because this also requires honesty and courage). Falling in love causes stress, and it can be scary and painful, but avoiding any stimulus is a ciliator shoe strategy. If you see a greater potential in yourself than in a unicellular one – do not run, do not crawl away – live.